


Both Mostly Paralyzed

by AceyEnn



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Amanda Palmer - Freeform, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/F, Kanaya is a nervous broad, Marriage, Murder, Rose is emotionally stunted, Sadstuck, Song-Based, Suicide, mentions of 17-year-olds having sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-29
Updated: 2012-09-29
Packaged: 2017-11-15 06:27:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/524125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceyEnn/pseuds/AceyEnn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose never really was able to open up.</p><p>Based on The Bed Song by Amanda Palmer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Both Mostly Paralyzed

**Author's Note:**

> For reference, this fic was based entirely off of The Bed Song by Amanda Palmer, which can be heard here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUVvpircaxo
> 
> Also, this is actually one of my first fics that doesn't even _mention_ Sollux or Aradia, so...I guess I'm expanding my horizons here! 
> 
> I could've divided this into chapters, since it _is_ done in segments, but they're all short enough that I felt posting it as a one-shot worked better.
> 
> I really do love Rosemary, and normally I tend to envision them as being perfect for each other and having a good, healthy relationship. But somehow the concept for this fic--Rose growing distant and Kanaya growing frustrated--just wouldn't leave my head, so I wrote it. Sorry this is so angsty!

_ **exhibit a** _

 

They'd both had too much to drink. Kanaya was well aware of that--after all, they _were_ at a wild party, celebrating the one-year anniversary of Lord English's defeat.

 

That didn't make the fact that she and Rose were finally sleeping together any less special, though. Kanaya was still semiconscious, but Rose had long since passed out, face buried between Kanaya's horns. The troll was fine with that, though. Just lying there, splitting the heat, sharing a filthy old pillow and a musty sleeping bag, felt _good_.

 

Maybe it was the alcohol, but they'd wound up having sex for the first time that night. It was awkward and fumbling, as most first times are, but it was just so nice, being able to show her matesprit that she loved her in a more physical manner as well as an emotional one. Kanaya was dimly aware that the others must've heard them from upstairs, but she couldn't care less. Rose, on the other hand, likely wasn't aware of much of anything. She'd fallen asleep shortly after they'd finished, lips tangled in Kanaya's hair.

 

The party continued on upstairs. Kanaya could hear them laughing as someone played a human string instrument and Roxy drunkenly sang along, and briefly considered joining them, but decided against it.

 

Rose mattered more.

 

\---

 

_ **exhibit b** _

 

The apartment Rose and Kanaya had moved into was small and scuzzy, with a bit of a roach problem. They couldn't really afford anything better yet, though--they were fresh out of college, and while Kanaya had found a job as a barista at a local cafe, Rose was struggling to find work.

 

More worrisome to Kanaya was how distant Rose had gotten. Her sex drive seemed nonexistent, but Kanaya could live with that--she just couldn't live with Rose's general coldness.

 

They slept on the same small mattress, but they never so much as cuddled anymore. Kanaya had tried to initiate that, of course, but Rose always just pulled away. It was terribly frustrating, and she'd found herself worrying that she was taking it out on her friends and co-workers. Still, she said nothing. What was there to say, really?

 

Right before they went to bed one night, Kanaya considered confronting Rose about it, about what was going on with her, but the words wouldn't come. She tried holding Rose close, but the only response she got was a slight push to the chest. So much for intimacy.

 

\---

 

_ **exhibit c** _

 

Things were looking up, at least for a while.

 

Rose had popped the question, and of course, Kanaya had said yes. They got married on a lovely spring day.

 

It was a small wedding, attended only by their friends who had gone through the game with them, and while it wasn't particularly fancy, it was still nice. Kanaya had designed the dresses, and when Rose came out of her dressing room, Kanaya just about swooned.

 

“You look so beautiful,” she'd said.

 

Rose smiled a little and thanked her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. That little gesture warmed Kanaya far more than she could adequately describe. Maybe Rose was finally opening up to her.

 

“I got something, by the way,” Rose told Kanaya as they walked up to their new flat--a lovely condo overlooking the city--after the wedding. “Our old bed was getting worn down, so I got a new one. It should be arriving later today.”

 

Indeed it did. The sight of it made Kanaya nervous--it was big, too big for just a couple, and somehow that made her heart pound in the worst possible way.

 

“It's...nice,” Kanaya eventually said.

 

“Isn't it?”

 

And though Rose never said anything about it, it was obvious she could tell that Kanaya was lying through her teeth.

 

They did make love for the first time in ages that night, but somehow, it just felt wrong.

 

\---

 

_ **exhibit d** _

 

Marriage, it turned out, did very little for their relationship. Rose would often come home late from work and just head straight to bed, not even bothering to greet Kanaya.

 

They'd just lay in bed, not even talking much, and as the days turned into months, Kanaya stopped bothering to wonder why Rose didn't even talk to her much anymore.

 

Yet she still loved Rose. She loved her so much.

 

She was terrified of that fact, really. Kanaya didn't _want_ to love someone as distant as Rose. But you can't choose who you love. Kanaya had accepted that a long time ago.

 

She still wished Rose would acknowledge her when she cried herself to sleep.

 

\---

 

_ **exhibit e** _

 

Rose's death was certainly a shock.

 

It was their fifth wedding anniversary, and on the walk home from a dull and uneventful pseudo-romantic dinner at a fancy French restaurant, they were mugged. The crook had aimed his gun at Kanaya, but Rose, much to Kanaya's surprise, pushed her to the side.

 

He fired anyway, and the bullet hit Rose square in the chest.

 

Naturally, Kanaya had called 911, but it was no use. The mugger had managed to run off in the confusion, and as Rose was loaded into the ambulance, the police refused to let Kanaya go with her. She had to be questioned, they told her, so they could learn more about what had happened and hopefully arrest the shooter. Kanaya was extremely reluctant, but she eventually obliged.

 

As she was being questioned, her cell phone rang. “Hello, this is Kanaya Maryam-Lalonde speaking,” she answered. “May I ask who's calling?”

 

“I'm from the hospital, ma'am. I'm afraid your wife didn't make it here in time.”

 

Kanaya just dropped the phone at that, not even noticing as the smartphone's screen shattered on the concrete floor.

 

The police couldn't bring themselves to continue questioning her. Instead, they drove her to the hospital, where the receptionist confirmed that Rose Maryam-Lalonde had, indeed, died on the way there.

 

The fact that Rose had died without her just struck Kanaya as wrong somehow. She broke down on the way to the morgue; she simply couldn't bring herself to look at her dead wife. It bothered her immensely, but she just _couldn't._

 

When Kanaya got home, she headed straight for the bedroom, staring blankly at the bed. If it had seemed too large before, it seemed even larger now. So large, so imposing, and so _pointless._ She tried to fall asleep, but sleep just wouldn't come.

 

She threw herself out the 12th-story window the very next day.

 

\---

 

_ **epilogue** _

 

The afterlife was painfully bright, so bright that Kanaya could barely see anything but the woman standing before her.

 

“Rose?” she gasped, disbelieving.

 

“Hi, Kanaya. I wasn't expecting you so soon.”

 

“...Rose, you love me, right? I mean, you actually took a bullet for me.”

 

Rose laughed--a genuine laugh, one Kanaya hadn't heard in forever. “Of course I do.”

 

“If you loved me, why were you so distant and cold?” Kanaya demanded. “You never wanted to talk, or kiss, or cuddle, or anything of the sort. What was the matter?”

 

“Well,” Rose said, smiling. “Maybe if you'd asked me, I would've told you.”

 

This time, it was Rose pulling Kanaya close, kissing her softly. And Kanaya was perfectly fine with that. Sure, things weren't perfect, and they never would be, not even in death. But they had each other.

 

Kanaya thought that was enough.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Once again: I'm sorry this is so depressing.


End file.
